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Well Josh left yesterday for good...It's over. Time to turn over a new leaf but I can't help feeling extremely depressed.
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I'm going back to college this fall at NSCC and majoring in Culinary Arts......no shit!
Current Mood:
serious
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I just found out a little while ago that my uncle has cancer that is probably not treatable. I'm devastated, he's my favorite uncle and reminds me so much of my dad. I've been sending healing energy out to him, I hope it works. Also my mom is getting married December 29th, she asked me if I was okay with it and that if I had a problem with it she wouldn't get married. Of course I gave her my support, although I'm wavering on the disagreeing side of it but I didn't mention it. I'll have a step sister and 2 step nieces....I'm not sure how I really feel about that.
Current Mood:
depressed depressed
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The weekend was pretty normal. Josh went to his A+ class saturday and I went to my moms. My aunt and uncle are down from Montana and surprisingly enough I'm really enjoying their company. I ended up going for a walk around my mom's 'hood and discovered that I walked 2 miles!! Sunday Josh went to Portland for a side job and I spent the day planting 300 bulbs for spring. I had the time of my life. I love working with dirt and getting muddy. I love the bond with nature I feel when there is cold mud between my fingers. I haven't played AO all week, I got The Sims 2 and have been having a blast playing it. I can't seem to get off of it!
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I had a great weekend!!! Saturday I went to the Buddhist Festival http://www.nashvillebuddhistfestival.com/ and loved it!! I felt so alive and at peace. I'm going to start going to some of their meetings throughout the week.

Sunday I went shooting with Josh and Jesse. It was soo much fun. I really sucked with the 9mm but then again the target was at 75 feet. I did so so with the .22. My favorite was shooting my 20 gauge shot gun. It is my favorite gun. I love the power I feel when I hold it. Next time I go I'm going to get a skeet thrower and a set of clay skeets. There wasn't many rednecks at the range this time which was a big relief *whew*. I did get a kick out of the guys watching me shoot, I felt powerful =) Chics with guns is always a nice thing.

Hopefully this will be a good week.

Current Mood:
hopeful hopeful
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Things went much better this morning. I guess Josh could sense my "fuck off" attitude because he was surprisingly civil this morning. I'm so tired of his drama, last night in the midst of my yet another episode, I decided to stop caring. I decided to put myself first for once (after my little one that is), something that is surprisingly uncomfortable for me to do, I'm going to start working on goals/hobbies that are important to me instead of adapting what others enjoy as my own hobbies. Instead of being so selfless I'm going to be more selfish. After all, if I don't care about myself, what kind of message am I sending to my daughter?
Current Mood:
contemplative contemplative
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One jumbled up free flow entry of how my life is fucked upCollapse )
Current Mood:
crushed crushed
Current Music:
the sound of my HEPA air cleaner
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Waaaaaaayyyyyyy toooooooo muuuuuuuuccccchhhhhhh Aaaaaaooooooooo

Clammers SuXx0rz!

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My little girl turns 5 months tommorrow.....wow it feels like yesterday she was born.
Current Mood:
bored bored
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